


넌 내꺼, … 난 니꺼. You’re mine, … I’m yours.

by MeiJu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Male Character, Drinking, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Homosexuality, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 09:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10357806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeiJu/pseuds/MeiJu
Summary: 넌 내꺼, … 난 니꺼.You’re mine, … I’m yours.Sehun was a boring high school student, didn't drink, didn't get into trouble or had any relationships. Not that it really bothered him, he was gay. For awhile he just simply didn't talk about it, and although he's out to his parents he's still unsure on how to fall in love. Then he got into Seoul University and meet the Class President, Kim Jongin.





	

좋다고 말해…

Tell me you love me …

 

          “Hello. I’m Kim Jongin, Class President.”

          Sehun was hooked on Kim Jongin, Class President of Seoul University’s Class of 2016. Hooked on his pretty lips and caramel skin. His little half smile and the way he bashfully looks away. Sehun wishes he was the only one in love with Kim Jongin. He really wishes.

          Sehun grew up in Seoul, and fate of was kind enough to have them meet, eventually. To Sehun it was a long 18 year wait, but it was worth it. College was everything he wanted it to be. No more stress of the constant tiring exams, studying till 2:00am and getting to classes bright and early. His hard work paid off. He entered on the best schools in the country, arguably setting himself up for a bright future. Kim Jongin was one of the students running for the student body government. As President Jongin would be busy, wouldn’t he? Sehun voted for him, of course.

          Sehun didn’t think he would run into Jongin again, they were different majors. Sehun wanted to be an English professor and Jongin was interested in the arts, dancing and singing and the like. Seoul University was as big school, but it was strange how things can happen. Krystal Jung, a Korean-American freshman was a English tutor for the department. She was his lucky little key into Jongin's life.

          Sehun never thought he would major in English, he thought maybe he’d take a dancing or something. He was good at it. However, he’s in English Literature now, he settles for learning the language so that a company might hire him or something. Maybe he’d travel?

          He was thrilled. They were kind, super friendly and took him in. He was a freshman, like Jongin but Sehun seemed to have trouble making friends. Or at least close friends and Sehun chalked it up to the fact he lived at home still and often returned so early. These friends though were mostly sophomore and freshmen friends. Most of them seemed to have gone to high school together. Sehun went to a private school, at his Mother’s request. Anyone who did make it here with him, well they weren’t close. The majors were varied, but most of them were in the Fine Art or Performing Art department. At lunch, they would often show off their talents on their phone and many of them were probably going to be rich and famous one day.

          Jongin sure is handsome. Sehun doesn’t like to admit this, but he sometimes catches himself staring at him with his smooth skin and funny laugh. Sehun dreams about him a night and often catches himself waking up to find himself in an uncomfortable situation.

The first weekend he really spent time with new university friends was crazy.

          An upper-classmen, Byun Baekhyun was hosting in his shared apartment. He was all short and spunky, and his apartment was filled with spunky and just as loud. Kim Jongdae, no relation to Kim Jongin and  also Park Chanyeol. They were rather loud, but their apartment made the ideal place for throwing a party. Krystal told him that she’d pick him up at the welcome center and they’d head over together. The apartment wasn’t far but he was still new to the group and didn’t want to just show up. She showed up with Jongin and her friend Amber, someone also from America. Amber almost looked like a boy at first glance, she had short hair and her clothing wasn’t feminine like Krystal’s. It was loud through, bright colors and hung loose on her frame. Sehun decided he liked her then too. There weren’t many people in Korean trying to do the different look thing. He was sure that eight other students he’s walked by have the same Nike sneakers as him.

          Making their way to the building was rather easy, it was a normal college apartment except they could tell it was the one with the party because it was so loud. Everyone had a drink in hand and people were sitting down on the floor around a low table.

          “Krystal!” Sulli shouts from the far end. Drunk and carelessly happy, she waves, the gentle giant was taller than most girls. Sulli’s short hair, dyed light brown bounced when she came to hug them closely. She’s the touchy sort of drunk and Sehun returns the hug quickly before taking off his shoes.

          “Drinks in the kitchen, but they’re also here and there. Take whatever.” Baekhyun says, he’s leaning heavily on Chanyeol drink in hand.

          “You have Chinese liquor here?” In-between all the bottles of Soju and Tequila was an unfamiliar bottle of brown liquor.

          “I meet some Chinese exchange students in my class. I invited them, Minseok-hyung is bringing them over.” Jongdae says, a little red in the cheeks. Jongdae has a major in Chinese with Kim Minseok, no relation.

          Krystal pours him and Jongin a rather full glass of Soju and they go sit down. It was loud and the buzz in the air told him it would be a crazy night. Jongin looks relaxed next to Krystal, they were just talking amongst themselves as Jongdae is pushed to make a full of himself while dancing. Whether it was his lack of dance skills or the alcohol Sehun couldn’t tell you. It was fun to watch him though, especially when he shook his booty and Chanyeol started to smack it with his hand.

          When the Chinese students get here he’s taken aback at how many there were. Four, Yixing, Luhan, Kris and Tao were all quickly taken by the group and that’s when the real games begun. With a larger pitched of beer and a floating glass in the middle everyone took turns pouring the soju in. When it fell to the bottom, the person responsible would drink. Sehun watches as Tao, the little ass he was would quickly fill it to the top and make Kris drink. Kris was pretty good natured about it, taking the drink through the applause and he would watch as Junmyeon would fret or that offer to be the “white knight”, but Kris would shrug it off with a grin.

          After a few of those beers and soju mix he felt so tired he laid down across the floor content with watching the others continue to drink. Krystal and Sulli were having a great time, singing to songs and swaying to the music. It was a good party, super chill and easy going. Baekhyun was letting a few friends stay over to crash instead of walking home. Sehun wasn’t sure if he wanted to take that offer though.

          “You’re so drunk Sehunnie~ just sleep it off. We’ll call you a taxi or walk you home tomorrow.” Jongdae said with an easy grin and smile. “If you really want to, you can take my bed, or we’ll clear the couch for you.” He’s so generous, but Sehun remember shaking his head.

          “I need to pee.” He says it like a child and Amber giggles holding out her hand. He doesn’t know why but he doesn’t feel drunk anymore. Like, he’s tired, just tired and he has to pee.

          But he falls over and Amber, also drunk, didn’t see it coming so she lands on him, her elbow right in his thigh and he whack his head on the wall. He doesn’t black out but he’s now a little panicky. He’s never been this drunk before. Sehun was a good student in high school, he stayed away from the partying and his friends were like him, trying to get into a good school, staying home. Maybe he went out to movies and arcades but never drank to get drunk.

          He feels himself spinning and Baekhyun, who drank more than him, leaps over. Quick on his feet, probably from year of practicing and his improved tolerance.

          “Dude, dude, don’t worry about it.” Baekhyun is short, but Chanyeol is passed out, cramming his lanky body under the table. Amber and Baekhyun try and pull it up and he can’t even help them much besides trying not to sway.

          Jongin holds him up from behind and Sehun is now lucky he’s too drunk. He likes the way Jongin, Class President has his firm body on his back and is Sehun was feeling really creative his butt would touch his crotch. He’s drunk, not stupid though and he just takes what he can get.

          “Sehunnie.” Jongin and Tao take over as Amber and Baekhyun struggle. “Door to the left.” Baekhyun says quickly. Tao uses his foot to get him upright and Sehun wants to cry.

          “I can do it from here.” He pushes them away weakly.

          “We’ll be right outside.” Jongin promises quickly, leaving the door unlocked Sehun sits his ass down on the toilet. He can hear Tao and Jongin talking about what to do with him. Sehun pisses quickly but he stays on the seat a little longer, he doesn’t feel sick. There is no urge to vomit or anything. But he can see Jongin and Tao watching from the crack. He pulls himself up from the towel rack, thank God it doesn’t pull down and he washes his hands clumsily.

          Jongin comes in from behind and helps him get out of the small bathroom but they fall in the hall. Jongin is under him and Sehun rolls off regretfully. Jongin laughs though.

          “I’m glad you’re so comfortable with us. Maybe you should sleep here though.” But Sehun shakes his head.

          “Jongin, I want to go home. I want to go home.” He sounds like a whiney brat but he can’t get himself to stop.

          “No no.” Jongin rolls on his side to look at him. “You’re too drunk just stay here.” He rubs Sehun arm’s comfortably and Sehun feels his cheeks wetted with drunk tears. “Don’t cry Sehun, it happens.”

          Tao has left them alone, maybe to flirt with Kris again.

          Jongin wraps his arms around Sehun and squeezes him.

          “Don’t worry, if you want to go home I’ll take you home.” Jongin promises him.

          Krystal comes over and Sehun pouts that she ruins their moment but he doesn’t make a scene about it. She comes over to his other side. Krystal is so lovely. She has a pretty face and she’s so pale like a pearl. Sehun’s drunk mind rambles a bit, but he notices the absent of sexual feelings for her. She’s pretty and he can see that because he’s no stupid. But that’s it.

          “Sehunnie, Jongdae-hyung said you can stay.” Krystal says softly. “He’ll let you stay in his room. He has stuffed bears you know?”

          “Krystal, he wants to go home, can you help me take him?”

          “I’m sorry, I have to take Sulli home.” Krystal says softly.

          “Are you going alone?”

          “No, no, I think Junmyeon is taking us. Sehun, Amber is staying too.”

          The exchange is all said with Sehun on the floor in Jongin’s arms and Sehun’s content with staying that way.

          Eventually that night, is a blur to Sehun from that point on, but the guys like the bring it up often. At the lunch room the next time they’re all together, which is basically every Monday, Wednesday and Friday they can’t stop laughing. His parents mention it sometimes too.

          “You had to find your coat. We were all looking for it, but you had it on the entire time!” Baekhyun roars with laughters as he pokes fun at Sulli who hits him with a napkin.

          “You have stories too! You broke a window with your butt once!” Amber comes to Sulli’s defense.

          “Hey hey! Don’t lie, I wasn’t drunk, just clumsy, there’s a difference!” Baekhyun responds back a little proudly. “Do you want to see the pictures? It was from freshmen year. Our RA Siwon was pissed! He couldn’t believe it, but the other RA, I forget who, but she was like super chill about it.”

          Baekhyun was next to the broken window doing a cheesy peace sign and grin, you can see Chanyeol and Jongdae in the background laughing at him. Sehun finds out they were all friends in high school too and lived in the triple their freshmen year. Sehun can’t believe they survived to be honest.

          “Sehun you were so drunk!” Tao brings it back to the weekend. “You hung to Jongin like a monkey!”

          “Hey! You look more like a Monkey!” Chanyeol says laughing while Jongdae hits him with his empty water bottle.

          “Dude don’t be a prick!”

Chanyeol quickly apologizes but Tao just shrugs it off. Sehun doesn’t want to out Chanyeol, but he thinks that Tao’s sensitive over his darkened skin. Jongin has dark skin and Sehun thinks it makes him look sexy. Not like a cheap sexy that some Idols get called, but he’s sexy for other reasons too. Like his smile.

          Sehun blushes but Jongin doesn’t seem to care much at all.

          “Freshmen get to have stories, you’re too old for this shit.” Amber reminds them.

          “Hey you’re older than us!” Jongdae says quickly in his defense.

          “By a few days and you don’t see me demanding you call me Noona!”

          “Any girl who can drink me under the table doesn’t need to be called Noona.”

          “That’s cause you’re a light weight Jongdae.” Krystal points out.

          They all talk like this so naturally and Sehun is happy to have a friend group. There little freshmen one is made up of Jongin, Tao, Krystal and Sulli. Sometimes Seulgi from Krystal’s classes hands out with them too but she’s super close to this kid name Jooheon and her best friend Wendy. Wendy is in the Student Government with Jongin too but she’s super close to other people, but occasionally she hands out with them.

          It was Tao and Jongin at the lunch table when Sehun sits down, English Literature is really kicking his ass and he sets down another book he doesn’t want to read in his bag. Tao is talking about Kris and Junmyeon, he’s certain that they’re like dating.

          “Don’t be silly Tao.” Jongin says to him. “Junmyeon isn’t gay and I don’t think Kris is either.” Is Jongin gay? Now that’s the question. Jongin takes good care of himself, but that’s like every Korean male who’s in the slightest average. Straight men take care of themselves too here.

          “But they’re like appa and umma.” Those words sound weird when Tao says them.

          “They’re close like that.” Jongin says and stands up to wave at another student. “You guys I made a friend who wants to sit with us.” Sehun looks over to this smallish dude coming over. His stare is pretty intense.

          “His name is DO.”

          “Like an idol?” Tao asks.

          “Sorta, he’s a little older than us. So be polite.”

          “I’m a little older.” Tao says quickly.

          “But you’re like, foreign. He’s like Korean, he’s expecting us to call him hyung.” Sehun explains quickly as he comes over.

          DO makes a good addition. He clearly like Jongin a lot, quickly noticing that Jongin stopped after a week or so of calling him Hyung. Sehun feels a little jealously bubble up quickly. DO is handsome, and Sehun hates admitting it.

          “Sulli, is DO and Jongin close?” Sulli and Sehun found out they have this huge lecture together and now sit together in the back. Sulli seems uninterested in whatever the teaches says but she always does well on the papers.

          “Yeah, DO adores Jongin, he treats him so well for a dongsaeng.” Sulli says quickly as she furiously clicks, playing a game while the professor drones on and on. “I think it’s like the relationship that Krystal has with Amber though.”

          “Is Amber gay?” Sehun whispers. Sulli almost spits out to laugh. Sehun look around bashfully.

          “No, not at all. She and this Chinese kid, Henry are totally dating. Secretly though I think. They’re in that praise band together.” Sulli says quickly as the kid next to her sends her dirty looks. “I think it’s a secret, I’ve only meet Henry once. But Victoria knows him too. All the Chinese people know one another, even though Amber is like, American.”

          “It must be crazy, they know like three languages and I know one.”

          “But you’re learning English, that’s hard. I only did well because I could memorize stuff, but I don’t think I can speak it anymore.”

          “To be fair, you haven’t really tried.” Sulli shrugs. “I’m going to be a writer, romance maybe! If I get really famous I’ll have my books translated for me, like J. K. Rowling!”

          Sulli goes back to playing her game and Sehun keeps day-dreaming. Jongin is really attractive and this weekend everyone wants to go to the arcade and it’s going to be a lot of fun, with no alcohol maybe. Hopefully. Instead he’ll just get to enjoy Jongin all to himself.

          The arcade was large and Baekhyun and Chanyeol go nuts immediately. Baekhyun brought a girl along too and he drags her around to show off. Sehun doesn’t recognize her but she’s older, Chanyeol calls her Noona so respectfully. Krystal is all heart eyes too.

          “That’s Taeyeon-unni, she’s so popular! She’s a graphic design major and vocal minor, but everyone knows she’s going to be a star.” Krystal gushes. “I can’t believe she’s spending time with Baekhyun.” She teases easily. But in seriously Byun Baekhyun, although childish at times is really a lady’s man. At least, from what Jongdae complains about the light night interruptions.

          Sehun wants to bring someone special to the arcade and show off too. He wants to get all the tickets and win the big stuffed animals for his crush too. Even if it looks more like Baekhyun will be getting Taeyeon a keychain at this point. Sehun watches everyone go off or watch someone else. Jongdae is having a beer and so is Sulli, maybe others will drink as the night goes.

          He sees other couples too, and he feels drawn to go over by Jongin who’s with DO. He wonders if people would accept him if they knew of his preferences.

          “Do you want to try skee-ball?” Jongin asks though, taking his thoughts elsewhere.

          “Yeah sure.” Sehun and Jongin swipe their cards with the points and it’s off. Sehun likes looking at the concentration in Jongin’s face and loses. He doesn’t mind, he has the feeling that Jongin likes to win and smiles at him triumphantly.

          “Ah~ were you even trying?” Sulli comes over, she’s wearing a loose top and he sees some guys look at her funny. Sehun thinks that if he doesn’t drool at Jongin, then those old perverts can look away too.

          “Maybe I’m just too good?” Jongin pokes Sulli in the nose and she laughs.

          “I don’t believe you.” Jongin rolls his eyes and throws his arm over Sehun’s shoulders. He feels his stomach bubble pleasantly.

          Taeyeon and Baekhyun come over, Jongdae and Chanyeol are playing, rather aggressively, a dancing game in the corner. You can hear the roars of laughter coming from Jongdae as he continues to flail around.

          “You guys are really good-looking.” She says bluntly and Sulli laughs and Jongin sticks out his tongue back at her direction.

          “Thank you noona.” Jongin says politely.

          “Like, sorry but yeah you’re really attractive, you thought of modeling?” Taeyeon is really confident, it might help that she’s so much older than them. She’s a senior. “Let me explain myself, my professors is looking for people to model in his anatomy art class. I’m not taking it this year, but I did as a sophomore. He’s a really cool professor and it’s paid. You’ll have so many girls gawking at you guys and your features are super defined.”

          “I’m flattered.” Jongin stands up straight.

          “So am I.” Sehun adds quickly. No one asked him to model before.

          “Can I give him your school emails and stuff?”

          “Yeah sure.”

          “What about me?” Baekhyun laughs, not really caring much at all. He’s not the jealous type.

          “You can model for me privately.” She flirts at him easily.

          Sehun thinks that he would like Jongin to model for him, privately of course, as well. He cannot stop thinking about it once they’re heading home. Jongin and himself are walking down the path as Sulli and Krystal are going a different way to meet with Victoria for some more drinking.

          “Would you really model?” Sehun asks him.

          “Yeah I think so. It’s paid so that’s a plus. Are you thinking about it?”

          “I think I’ll do it.” Sehun answers confidently. Even though he might not look it, his body is something he takes pride in.

          “Yeah, I can’t believe Taeyeon-noona asked. That’s so cool. We’re freshmen!”

          Jongin was really excited about it. Once they received the emails both of them signed up quickly. Sehun mostly to spend more time with Jongin. They would be posing shirtless for the first time and although Sehun likes his body, comfortable with it. The class is bigger than expected.

          “Don’t be self-conscience. You’re beautiful.” Jongin says while stripping for the class. Those words were echoed throughout the day, and he fell asleep repeating them as well. Sehun was on cloud nine.

          It’s moment like this where Sehun wishes to share this with his friends. However, who would understand him? He’s gay, in Korea, where it’s still not super easy to come out. His parents told him that they still loved him. But they don’t talk about it. They consider it a personal thing, a Sehun thing. He knows they mean well, but he feels alone. At least he’s not in the streets. That’s what he told himself all the time.

          Could he tell Sulli? She seems so open. She did that, free the nipple thing and she’s always so liberal. Even then she doesn’t tell the others to cut it out though. He wants to tell someone. Anyone. But it’s something he keeps hidden, maybe he’s more ashamed than he thinks.

          The year continues and it gets really cold. He tucks himself next to Jongin on the bus as they their little friend group goes camping, one last time before it snows. They’ll be at a cabin, thank god but Sulli looks ready to hop back on the next bus back to Seoul. She’s squeezed herself between Jongdae and Krystal and has a scarf covering his entire face. Sehun can’t tell if she’s awake or not.

          It’s a smaller cabin with two bed room, a living room with a kitchen. Very open concept and Sehun is happy that they don’t have too many people. Kris and Yixing opted out in favor of staying warm. Amber decided last minute to bail as Henry and her decided to sign up for a band thing. Taeyeon took her place and she looks a little out of place with all of the younger people.

          “This looks better than I though. Baekhyun really didn’t sell this well.”

          It did look better than Sehun expected. It was clean for one. They unpack their bags and sleeping bags too because Sehun wasn’t going to sleep on the floor without one. They were happy to find extra blankets and sleeping pads though.

          Jongin, Sehun, Jongdae, Chanyeol and Baekhyun take one of the rooms. Luhan and Tao called the limited space in the living room. Sulli, Taeyeon and Krystal take the other. Baekhyun tries to convince the girls to let him stay over but Krystal shoots him down.

          “Unless you’re gay, you’re not sleeping with us.” She shoots back him as he whines.

          “I’m dating Taeyeon, I wouldn’t be looking at you guys.” Sulli kicks him out then.

          Sehun wonders if now would be the perfect time to come out. But if they decide not to accept him, he’s in a tough spot, since like first bus won’t be back until the morning. But each room only really has room for four. But then he could get close to Jongin. Or Chanyeol. Or Baekhyun. The latter two are bad options. They flail around and talk in their sleep. Jongdae told them to bring ear plugs.

          He’s placed between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, because he lacks all luck apparently.

          “If you want I can talk to the girls for you.” Jongdae is always so kind.

          “They’ll let me.” He says softly.

          “Yeah I’ll go talk to them.” Jongdae says quickly.

          “No, I mean, I’m gay. So, like they won’t mind.” Chanyeol and Baekhyun are taking pictures on the porch but Jongin hears him.

          “I can still ask for you. Do you want to tell them that?” Jongdae asks patiently. “I don’t care if you want to stay in here Sehun. Being gay doesn’t bother me.”

          Jongin keeps looking at him and Sehun looks worried.

          “Jongin, say something. You’re making it awkward.” Jongdae asks quickly.

          “No, I mean I had a hunch. So, I don’t care. You can stay here or go to the girls” Jongin says kindly. “I support gay rights and stuff. You’re my friend.” Jongin says patiently.

          Sehun smiles gently at them. He’s really lucky to have these two friends.

          “Do you think the other two will mind?”

          Jongin and Jongdae look at one another.

          “I think they’ll be fine with it. But I think it’s something that might need clarification.” Jongdae says slowly, it’s like he’s waiting for Jongin to interrupt him with better news.

          “If you want, -“ Jongdae starts.

          “No, I really need to be the one who tells them.” Sehun says gently. “But thank you Hyung.”

          Sehun goes outside and Chanyeol is making stupid faces at Baekhyun who’s wearing Taeyeon’s red scarf on his heard and rounded sunglasses. He wants to take this all in before he takes the chance and ruins something good. He can feel Jongdae and Jongin staring from inside.

          “Hey Sehunnie~” Chanyeol says pulling him closer. “Let’s take a selfie!” He screams in better than expected English.

          “I actually have something to tell you.”

          “That selfie turned out badly.” Baekhyun notes.

          “What is it?” Chanyeol asks, full of concern. It always shocks him that Chanyeol can be so mature sometimes.

          “I’m gay, so I’m sleeping with the girls I think.” He says it quickly but Chanyeol and Baekhyun understand.

          Chanyeol laughs. Sehun wants to hide real quick now.

          “If you’re sleeping with the girls than aren’t you straight?” Baekhyun hits him over the head.

          “Doofus! Laughing made Sehunnie uncomfortable!” Baekhyun looks are him annoyingly.

          “We really don’t care.” Baekhyun says confidently. “We all have our preferences. Mine is the hotness that is Taeyeon. Yours’s is the hotness you see in a guy.”

          “Baekhyun is right, I’m sorry Sehun.” Chanyeol bows to him quickly. “It must be hard to come out.”

          “No! It’s fine, thank you hyungs.”

          “Maybe you should pick out your spot with them and let them know what’s up.” Baekhyun tells Sehun what to do. The girls take it really well and Sulli doesn’t seem surprised at all.

          “All the handsome ones are gay or taken.” She sighs all dramatically.

          “What about Chanyeol? He’s tall.” Krystal says and she makes little gagging noises.

          “Chanyeol-oppa is great.” She starts to say politely, “but we would kill one another.”

          Sehun sets himself up with relative ease and after telling Luhan and Tao everyone is in the know. Jongdae and Taeyeon to go start to cook and everyone else is committed to gossiping and taking pictures of the cabin.

          For once he feels free in a way. Jongin didn’t tell him if he was gay and he probably isn’t. The fact that Jongin didn’t freak out of neglect him for being gay though was all he needed for this trip. It didn’t come up again during the trip and although they filled in the others no one seemed to worried about it. Sehun went back into the swing of things. It was cold so often they meet up in little cafes or if it was late a college bar to finish homework.

          Jongin was coming from an Student Government meeting and brought Wendy and Seulgi so the round table of full. Sehun was struggling over a response essay he had to write on his opinion of American government, all in English and he could feel a headache wash over him when a bunch of jocks came over to sit around them. It was Wednesday night and it was just a mess.

          “I need some air.” He announced the chair already scraping on the wood boards under it.

          He doesn’t expect anyone to come out after him. He just needed some air. That’s when he sees Jongin appear. He’s handsome in a black wool coat that was fitted to him perfectly. He has his hands stuffed in the pockets and he runs over to wear Sehun was across the street.

          “Rough night?” He whispers to him.

          “Yeah you could say that.”

          Jongin smiles sweetly at him, they’re about the same height, in Sehun’s mind, he’s the perfect height.

          “You know. Sometimes I think I like you, in a way that would make me gay.” He says softly and Sehun isn’t sure if Jongin mean for him to hear that.

          “What?” He whispers, afraid that it was all just a mistake, something that he misheard.

          “I’m not gay Sehun. For you though, I think I like you.”

          They look at each other and Sehuns feels his heart soar. It’s almost like he’s not breathing. Jongin is looking at him all flushed, not sure if that’s from the beer’s he had or if it’s because of the confession.

          Jongin runs his hand through his hair nervously. Jongin doesn’t know why he’s saying this. He came out to see if Sehun was in a bad mood. He looks away back to the car, where Krystal is waiting back for them.

          “I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore.” He admits. “I don’t think I’m gay Sehun. How did you know?” They’re shivering outside in the cold. The snow from a few nights ago still lingers but it’s mostly just bitter out.

          “I don’t know. I just never felt anything towards a girl I guess and –“

          Jongin cuts him off immediately.

          “That’s the thing, I do have feelings for girls.” Sehun’s heart drops. Was is Wendy, she’s so pretty and out-going, or Seulgi who’s attitude is always so honest and endearing. It was probably Krystal, his heart drops. It was Krystal for Jongin. Always Krystal.

          “I think I’m just a little drunk or something.” Jongin back tracks quickly but he puts his hand on Sehun’s shoulder and Sehun think it would appropriate to shrug him off but he doesn’t. He wants Jongin to like him. Jongin attempts to forcefully smile.

          Then he go back inside, neither of them can take the awkwardness that is about to ensure so Sehun starts to furiously type, ear buds in as the jocks continue to over drink. When he finally finishes for the night he heads home, alone. He feels angry and walks faster than he normally would. Sehun wants to blame the cold. But he can’t stop remembering Jongin’s face under the light, or how it made his pretty cooper hair shine.

          Sehun walks right into his room strips and plugs his phone in next to this bed and scrolls down. He keeps scrolling, looking at Kakao and Facebook, Instagram. The pictures of Jongin and him posing shirtless for the modeling has a lot more likes that he thought.

          Sehun wants to think that Jongin does like him, he’s just not ready to come out. He wants to text Jongin, but he knows he’s sleeping. Or a least, that’s what Sehun tells himself when he doesn’t answer.

          He sees Jongin outside of the library and he waves. Jongin half-heartily waves back and Sehun stops from coming up because he sees DO walking over with Krystal. Krystal hands him the coffee and they make their way inside. Sehun wanders in feeling alone for the first time in a while and he knows if he wanted to, he could sit with them. But he doesn’t. He takes a seat out front while they head into the back and he just settles in before his next class. 

          Class ends with nothing going on that could be remotely fun for him and Sehun can’t stop thinking about.

          “Did you hear that Krystal asked Jongin to eat supper with her, alone? Like a date!” Sulli tells him as they head over to meet up with the others. “I’m pretty sure that Baekhyun and Taeyeon are going with them, sort of like a double date or something. Taeyeon is close with Krystal’s sister Jessica before she went to go back to America and –“

          “They’re dating?” Sehun feels his heart stop beating.

근데 Last Night 기억나 넌 내가 좋다고 했어

“But hey, you remember Last Night? You told me you liked me.” 

          He writes that on Kakao, just the two of them and he wants Jongin to tell him it’s all a dream. Sehun knew that it was a rare chance. He always felt insecure when Krystal would come over and wrap her arms around him. Or when she was in him class. He felt insecure when Wendy came over, she dyed hair a pretty blue color at the ends and Jongin would run his hands through it. All these tall pretty girls were always around him.

          Jongin never answers that. Instead Sehun heart is crushed. Krystal and Jongin show up at Junmyeon’s end of semester party together and announce it to their friends. Everyone is laughing and congratulating them. Baekhyun and Taeyeon look at each other knowingly and they’re probably reliving their firsts in their relationship as well.  Sehun wonders if he’ll ever experience that or anything.

          He drinks that night, heavily. He’s trying not to drink his sorrows but Chanyeol keeps pouring for him and he doesn’t have the energy or will to ask him to stop. They’re playing games and Jongin kisses Krystal on the cheek to the surprise and happiness of their group.

          Sehun tries to smile with the others. Making a scene would be ugly and he wants to just sleep everything away. The bitterness he feels at Krystal. The tightness in his chest that is beginning to hurt. The way his head feels clouded, it’s not just the alcohol.

          When it was time to go home Sehun sways unhappily around. It’s not Jongin taking home, but Jongdae who offered this time. Sehun doesn’t want to, but it all comes out.

          “If you tell someone, you like them, or love them, then they should have something, right?” He begs Jongdae to answer unexpectedly. Jongdae is hugging Sehun outside his door.

          “Go to sleep Sehun.” Jongdae must knows something is up become he takes the key that Sehun is holding and he tries to open the door.

          “Just say yes.” Sehun says as Jongdae quietly tries to maneuver him up the stairs.

          “You’ll feel better tomorrow I promise.”

          Jongdae has a glass of water by his bedside, his phone plugged in and Sehun just lays there. His head spinning and heart hurting. The next day he sees Jongin at the student center, to return books like Sehun was. An errand that needs to be done today.

          Sehun waves hi, just like he always would but Jongin doesn’t return it like usually. He looks a little afraid, nervous and unsure. Jongin should be nervous Sehun thinks to himself. It shouldn’t be them. Krystal and Jongin, they should be boyfriends. With the matching shirts and the couple rings. They would get each other gifts on their anniversaries. Would their friendship survive this? If Sehun can only feel this hatred for what could have been. They stand in line, not together but certainly there was not effort made on either of them to move.

          Instead the winter breaks just continue on. Sehun sleeps in, texting his friends that he’s tired or sick to get out of activities. Sehun, along with everyone await the posting of grades. Baekhyun is excited that he did well in his general requirement in math and offers to throw a little celebratory bash on their apartment. Since the first time Sehun went he hasn’t missed one of them.

          He’s not in the mood though.

          Why would he want to be there with them, surrounded by all that happiness? Sehun miserably thinks to himself. He feels like Jongin and him are broken up, but it’s not true. They were never together in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration from these wonderful songs! 
> 
> 좋다고 말해… Tell me you love me … - Bolbbagan4  
> FINE - Taeyeon  
> 결국 ... Without You ... - G-Dragon and Rose (From Black Pink)  
> 이별을 배웠어 ... Always in my heart ... - Lim Seul Ong x Joy (From Red Velvet)


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